US admiral wants ray guns for naval fleet

By Mark O’Neill
Contributing Writer, [GAS]

A US admiral wants American warships in the Middle East to be equipped with microwave “pain ray” cannons to avoid having to use deadly force.

Vice Admiral Bill Gortney, in command of the US 5th Fleet, wants the weapons so they can be used against smaller boats at close range, such as speedboats. The 5th Fleet covers an area including the Red Sea, Arabian Sea, Persian & Arabian Gulf and the east African coast right down to Kenya. So they are on the lookout for foes such as Iranian Revolutionary Guard boats or suicide boats, which is just what they have been encountering lately.

Obviously, shooting these boats can lead to inconvenient little things like wars, so microwave pain ray cannons are a little less permanent. Apparently it “inflicts intense pain on its targets by heating up the outer layer of their skin”. So a nasty sun tan then without any sun tan lotion. Uuurgh….nasty.