When a human says “whoops”, you should run.
No, I’m being serious, run. When a human even whispers the word “whoops” be ready for anything, I mean anything.
Why you ask? Well, let me break it down for you.
When a human says “whoops”, two things can happen. One, a small mistake and inconvenience will occur, or possibly a moderate one.
But here is the thing, in the second scenario… something or someone is going to either explode or die.
Don’t look at me like that. Just shut up and listen.
When a human says “whoops” I’ve seen catastrophes happen, things I still can’t even come to terms with after my long years out in the stars.
During my time as a captain in the Compact Navy, I’ve learned to fear the one. Single. Most. Terrifying. Word. A human can ever utter, “whoops”.
Once, I was in the engine room making a routine inspection. I was observing a group of human engineers “modifying”, unsanctioned mind you, the warp core to increase its efficiency, or so they claimed.
Once they finished their “modifications” and started up the new warp core, I swear to all the stars in the universe, a literal goddamn spacial rift opened and proceeded to unleash a hoard of monstrous tentacles upon the engine room.
They were grabbing at everything and everyone. Hell, I almost got pulled into the rift myself, but luckily for me, one of the humans was able to close it in time. I will never forget the fear of certain death I experienced at that moment.
And the worst part, the modifications made the warp drive an entire 15% more efficient! And in the shocked silence that followed that horrific event, the only thing that insane human of a head engineer had to say about the matter was, “whoops”.
Another time, during a fierce battle with pirates on the outer rim we were in a really bad spot, taking heavy fire and the casualties were mounting. All of us thought we were goners, but then, I got a comm from one of the humans down in the weapons bay asking for permission to fire, and I quote, an “experimental” weapon.
The mad ape had apparently been building it out of one of the decommissioned rail cannons he had. I think he called it his “pet project” or something.
So, thinking we were going to die anyways , I gave the green light to the human, and I still don’t know if that was the right idea to this day. Only a few seconds later I watched as the “experimental” weapon shot straight through the pirate’s vessel, shields and all, only to collide with the moon behind it and split it in f**king half!
Stars, I was so happy to be alive that I didn’t even care that half the weapons bay was reduced to molten slag in the process. Though now that I think about it, the human in question had to be quarantined in the med bay because of the sheer amount of rads he absorbed in the process. And guess what, that crazy human survived by willingly replacing half his body with cybernetics. Cybernetics! Half!
Now guess what I heard from the human over the comms while we sat stunned as the moon broke apart before our eyes? Yup, you guessed it, “Whoops”.
I have far too many stories to tell just like these, and some are even worse than the ones I’ve already shared with you today, but if I am going to leave you with anything, it’s this. So listen to this old veteran’s advice will ya?
When a human says “whoops”, something or someone is going to either explode or die. And that’s why I always make sure to have at least one human on my crew.
Republished with permission from the author, Curious_Cake9822. Image created using Stable Diffusion