CW’s Beauty and the Beast reboot: How bad can it be?

File away under possible future geeky TV: The CW is rebooting Beauty and the Beast.

I’m talking the original TV show, the Linda Hamilton classic that touted an obsessive fan following in the eighties. Here’s their pitch: the CW version “will not only modernize and CW-up the love story but also add a procedural twist.” Vampire Diaries meets Law & Order?  Though of course after seeing last night’s premiere of The Secret Circle I can’t help but fear that they’ll just set it in high school instead.

And even though I have a soft spot for the CW – hey, I’m a huge fan of Supernatural – here is what I’m picturing for this reboot:

After her parents’ divorce, Cathy Chandler moves to New York City to live with her father and attend an exclusive private school. Immediately teased by a group of mean girls because even though she’s beautiful, she likes to read books, Cathy’s lack of fitting in takes an even more dangerous turn when she is run down by some football players drunk driving. Left on the side of the road, Cathy is near death when she’s discovered by Vinnie, a hairy-yet-hot boy who takes her to a secret underground high school full of teenage outcasts who can’t fit into society. When she returns to the surface, she finds herself wanting to make a real difference in her school and make it safe for people like Vinnie, so she decides to run for class president and makes an enemy of the head cheerleader… whose boyfriend seems to have eyes for Cathy as well, and she finds herself having to choose between him and the enigmatic Vinnie whom she can now only communicate with via Facebook.

Starring Miley Cyrus as Cathy and Ed Westwick as Vinnie.

And somewhere there was the sound of a million B&B fangirls waking from stasis and shouting, “NOOOOOOOOOO.”