How IRC Works… According to Hollywood

I’m not sure which is the worse, the CSI episode where they try to track an IP address by creating “a GUI interface using Visual Basic” or this. And while being on the subject of ridiculous Holywood interpretations of IT concepts, we invite you to post comments pointing to similar attrocities you’ve seen or heard in various TV shows or movies.

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44 Responses to How IRC Works… According to Hollywood

  1. my vote: gui interface. numb3rs jumped the shark in the first season. not sure why anyone is watching anymore; deus ex machina is just not fun to watch week after week…

  2. my vote: gui interface. numb3rs jumped the shark in the first season. not sure why anyone is watching anymore; deus ex machina is just not fun to watch week after week…

  3. The Net. The whole movie. Just wrong. Inspector Gadget’s niece Penny’s computer book was more believable than The Net.

  4. The Net. The whole movie. Just wrong. Inspector Gadget's niece Penny's computer book was more believable than The Net.


  5. A: But how do we get there?
    B: The distant is far too big to go there.
    C: Indeed. … Wait a minute. We could use CAR.
    B: CAR?
    A: It’s like you connect to a website but you need to leave your homezone.
    B: Sounds strange. Is that even allowed?
    C: Actually, yes. in the early times of IRL people used to take this everytime.
    B: Okay, let’s do it.
    C: Uh, I just noticed – we are out of GAS, we cannot use CAR.
    A: Let’s try CAB.
    C: Good idea. I’m gonna ask google.
    B: What’s this CAM?
    A: CAB. It’s like a proxy. You use CAR but whithout GAS because someone else gives it to you.
    C: Unfortunately the CAB Network is not Open Source so we will have to pay for it.
    B: Pay? Sounds kinky. What is this?

  6. A: But how do we get there?

    B: The distant is far too big to go there.

    C: Indeed. … Wait a minute. We could use CAR.

    B: CAR?

    A: It's like you connect to a website but you need to leave your homezone.

    B: Sounds strange. Is that even allowed?

    C: Actually, yes. in the early times of IRL people used to take this everytime.

    B: Okay, let's do it.

    C: Uh, I just noticed – we are out of GAS, we cannot use CAR.

    A: Let's try CAB.

    C: Good idea. I'm gonna ask google.

    B: What's this CAM?

    A: CAB. It's like a proxy. You use CAR but whithout GAS because someone else gives it to you.

    C: Unfortunately the CAB Network is not Open Source so we will have to pay for it.

    B: Pay? Sounds kinky. What is this?

  7. The “let’s take crappy traffic cam images, clean ’em up, and zoom in on some perp’s pinkie ring” nonsense that they wield all too often on CSI always chaps the snot outta me.

    I understand that concessions must be made to propel the plot along in a 45-minute TV show, but this is lazy and stupid.

  8. The "let's take crappy traffic cam images, clean 'em up, and zoom in on some perp's pinkie ring" nonsense that they wield all too often on CSI always chaps the snot outta me.

    I understand that concessions must be made to propel the plot along in a 45-minute TV show, but this is lazy and stupid.

  9. Does anyone else think the writers know exactly how silly this sounds and are embedding it as a joke?

    No? Didn’t think so.

  10. Does anyone else think the writers know exactly how silly this sounds and are embedding it as a joke?

    No? Didn't think so.

  11. Okay, you’re a writer, you don’t have to be a computer geek to write something that’s not all about IT, I understand that.

    But I’m almost positive that ANY organization in the world with more than 20 employees has an IT department, how F***ing hard is it to just walk down to the IT department and ask the guy who makes your computer work again when the cup holder is jammed and won’t go back in its place if this thing you wrote makes any sense at all?!!!

    My brain hurts…..

  12. Okay, you're a writer, you don't have to be a computer geek to write something that's not all about IT, I understand that.

    But I'm almost positive that ANY organization in the world with more than 20 employees has an IT department, how F***ing hard is it to just walk down to the IT department and ask the guy who makes your computer work again when the cup holder is jammed and won't go back in its place if this thing you wrote makes any sense at all?!!!

    My brain hurts…..

  13. IRC DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

    I’m presuming that most people on here know all this already, buuut… a short list of the many, many inanities here:

    1. Hackers do not really talk in 1337/leet. Only 12-year-old script kiddies do.
    2. Last time I checked, you do not have to use the command line to use IRC… there are perfectly nice, pretty-looking IRC clients out there! If you’re supposed to be this super-awesome-sweet-hot-hacker-woman, wouldn’t you know that already?
    3. IRC IS NOT ILLEGAL. IRC IS NOT USED FOR ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES. ARGHHH!!! While I’m sure that somewhere, maybe, probably, possibly someone uses IRC for H4CKZ0R1NG!!1!, 99% of everyone using IRC isn’t. (of that 99%, 98.9% are having cybersex, but that’s beside the point)
    4. IRC is really not all that primitive. Sure, it’s been around for a while, but that doesn’t make it “primitive”.
    5. There is no chat program I’ve ever heard of that actually shows your keystrokes in real time. *headdeskdeskdesk* It’ll say ” is typing” and then post their ENTIRE message at once. GAHHH!!!
    6. What is up with the illegal drug analogy?! That doesn’t even make sense. Like, at all.
    7. Since when have IRC nicknames been permanent, anyway? You can register on a particular server, of course, but you can’t just be like “COMPUTER, MONITOR TEH INTARWEBZ FOR EVERYTHING BY SOMEONE USING THIS USERNAME”.
    8. Ohhh nooooo!!! Someone wants a screenshot! Now, this is very, very tricky. I will need to screw up my forehead and look very concerned for several seconds, because HEAVEN FORBID I JUST CLICK CTRL+Print Screen! Or, better yet, just wait for the conversation to be over and USE THE SCROLL BAR to read the whole thing at your leisure. The window will NOT disappear once the conversation is over.
    9. Now that I think of it, how can she be in the chat room without anyone noticing her? Are they just too moronic to notice “PolisChikHottie111” has entered the room?
    10. …I… can’t continue. TECHNOLOGY FAIL!

    • I completely agree…lol

      Just one miner correction on numero five: IRQ showed real time typing back in the day…haven’t used it in recent years…

      • Another minor stuff too, GoogleWave have real time typing
        Point 9, This can be a network sniff, BTW I like the nick :)

    • The oldest chat programs I used back on DEC-10’s in the late 70’s showed you the other person’s typing instantly. Flash forward to Google Wave, which now shows you the other person’t typing instantly.

  14. IRC DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.

    I'm presuming that most people on here know all this already, buuut… a short list of the many, many inanities here:

    1. Hackers do not really talk in 1337/leet. Only 12-year-old script kiddies do.

    2. Last time I checked, you do not have to use the command line to use IRC… there are perfectly nice, pretty-looking IRC clients out there! If you're supposed to be this super-awesome-sweet-hot-hacker-woman, wouldn't you know that already?

    3. IRC IS NOT ILLEGAL. IRC IS NOT USED FOR ILLEGAL ACTIVITIES. ARGHHH!!! While I'm sure that somewhere, maybe, probably, possibly someone uses IRC for H4CKZ0R1NG!!1!, 99% of everyone using IRC isn't. (of that 99%, 98.9% are having cybersex, but that's beside the point)

    4. IRC is really not all that primitive. Sure, it's been around for a while, but that doesn't make it "primitive".

    5. There is no chat program I've ever heard of that actually shows your keystrokes in real time. *headdeskdeskdesk* It'll say " is typing" and then post their ENTIRE message at once. GAHHH!!!

    6. What is up with the illegal drug analogy?! That doesn't even make sense. Like, at all.

    7. Since when have IRC nicknames been permanent, anyway? You can register on a particular server, of course, but you can't just be like "COMPUTER, MONITOR TEH INTARWEBZ FOR EVERYTHING BY SOMEONE USING THIS USERNAME".

    8. Ohhh nooooo!!! Someone wants a screenshot! Now, this is very, very tricky. I will need to screw up my forehead and look very concerned for several seconds, because HEAVEN FORBID I JUST CLICK CTRL+Print Screen! Or, better yet, just wait for the conversation to be over and USE THE SCROLL BAR to read the whole thing at your leisure. The window will NOT disappear once the conversation is over.

    9. Now that I think of it, how can she be in the chat room without anyone noticing her? Are they just too moronic to notice "PolisChikHottie111" has entered the room?

    10. …I… can't continue. TECHNOLOGY FAIL!

    • I completely agree…lol

      Just one miner correction on numero five: IRQ showed real time typing back in the day…haven't used it in recent years…

      • Another minor stuff too, GoogleWave have real time typing

        Point 9, This can be a network sniff, BTW I like the nick :)

    • The oldest chat programs I used back on DEC-10's in the late 70's showed you the other person's typing instantly. Flash forward to Google Wave, which now shows you the other person't typing instantly.

  15. I am a big fan of the television show NCIS, but I’ve always wondered if the things they have Abby and Mcgee talk about are anywhere near correct, or if they threw together a programming madlibs. I will defer to my far more techy and geeky colleagues for insight.

  16. I am a big fan of the television show NCIS, but I've always wondered if the things they have Abby and Mcgee talk about are anywhere near correct, or if they threw together a programming madlibs. I will defer to my far more techy and geeky colleagues for insight.

  17. Am I the only person who’s more annoyed that Youtube doesn’t do any kind of audio normalization along with the video compression? Dear GOD, is it that difficult to do?

    “Just leave the volume all the way up, always” is not a viable solution whe your speep schedule is off by 12 hours from the guy in the apartment upstairs. And it barely even succeeds at making this audible, anyhow.

  18. Am I the only person who's more annoyed that Youtube doesn't do any kind of audio normalization along with the video compression? Dear GOD, is it that difficult to do?

    "Just leave the volume all the way up, always" is not a viable solution whe your speep schedule is off by 12 hours from the guy in the apartment upstairs. And it barely even succeeds at making this audible, anyhow.

  19. Ergh ffs, you know they can’t show you how they really trace people and chat. Then anyone who watched a movie would know how to do it. Same as when they use phone number 555-0000 the 555 range is reserved for movies so they’re all fictional numbers in the film.

    It’s just fiction, you’re meant to turn your brain off and enjoy the show. Although the CSI stuff is ridiculous. I saw them zoom in from a security camera at a bank into someone’s sunglasses, then into the reflection of someone’s eyeball and then captured a crystal clear picture of the person’s killer.

    That is lazy, how about just coming up with some evidence like real cops do *sniggers*

    Yeh the sciency stuff too, my bro has a phd in molecular genetics and some story lines he freaks out about saying “that’s not how that works” and “it’s stupid”.

    It’s only stupid when you know that they are talking non-sense. For everyone else it’s called “entertainment”

  20. Ergh ffs, you know they can't show you how they really trace people and chat. Then anyone who watched a movie would know how to do it. Same as when they use phone number 555-0000 the 555 range is reserved for movies so they're all fictional numbers in the film.

    It's just fiction, you're meant to turn your brain off and enjoy the show. Although the CSI stuff is ridiculous. I saw them zoom in from a security camera at a bank into someone's sunglasses, then into the reflection of someone's eyeball and then captured a crystal clear picture of the person's killer.

    That is lazy, how about just coming up with some evidence like real cops do *sniggers*

    Yeh the sciency stuff too, my bro has a phd in molecular genetics and some story lines he freaks out about saying "that's not how that works" and "it's stupid".

    It's only stupid when you know that they are talking non-sense. For everyone else it's called "entertainment"

  21. hahahhaha… this bring to my mind the famous “HIDRA” that was “programmed” by Hugh Jackman on Swordfish movie… and it was programmed in.. like a day or two… and it was more like a graphic design creation rather than a really bad bad virus… hehehe.. Hollywood always do this… like someone up there said… just get the IT guy you Hollywood ASSHOLE!!!!

  22. hahahhaha… this bring to my mind the famous "HIDRA" that was "programmed" by Hugh Jackman on Swordfish movie… and it was programmed in.. like a day or two… and it was more like a graphic design creation rather than a really bad bad virus… hehehe.. Hollywood always do this… like someone up there said… just get the IT guy you Hollywood ASSHOLE!!!!