Yeah, sure, Gotham is now safe… but at what cost?

In this brutally hilarious animated sketch, Batman doesn’t punch criminals anymore, he hires them! The Joker’s plan to poison the water system? Too late, Bats already owns it. Penguin’s big reveal plan? Covered by state-run media. And all those henchmen? Now working minimum wage at a Bat-branded fulfillment center, paid in… Bat-Bucks. Yes, Bat-Bucks.

Forget crime on the streets: this Batman privatized the streets. Hospitals? Bought. Judges? Bought. Public trust? Oh, he’s been data-mining that for years.

By the end, even the villains are left saying, “Riddle me this: What the hell, dude?”