Please Bake me a Great Old One? [Pic + Song]

cthpie

Om nom nom nom. Someone even composed a song in honor of this pie. Please be sure to sing the song with the tune from “American Pie” in mind.

A long, long time ago
I can still remember those berries in the grocery aisle
And I knew right then at first glance
That I could make a pie perchance
And maybe it would have a little smile

But the result, it made me shiver
As I removed it after dinner
Bad news on the stove top
My breathing came to a stop

I can’t remember if I cried
when I looked into its evil eyes
But something touched me deep inside
The day I baked that pie

So, Bye Bye Cthulhu Pie
you made my berries look so scary and I just don’t know why
Your evil crust makes me want to cry
this will be the day that I die…

Did you come here to make me flee,
And were you sent by the devil to me,
Will the Bible tell me so?
Did you come here to devour my soul,
and will locusts fly out of your berry holes.
I had to back away real slow!

Well, I know that you’re an evil dessert
and I’m not sure I can get away unhurt
I figured what have I got to lose
Man, it was time for me to choose.

I was a lonely teenage pastry cook
with a soul that heaven had forsook
so I knew that it was time to book
The day I baked that pie.

I started singing
Bye Bye Cthulhu Pie
you made my berries look so scary and I just don’t know why
Your evil crust makes me want to cry
this will be the day that I die…

Now for ten years I’ve been on my own
but the pie still haunts me when I’m all alone,
But that’s not how it should be.
When I grabbed my things, and I ran away
the pie spoke to me in an ominous way
with a voice that came from you and me

Oh, and while I thought I was safe and sound,
the pie’s power grew by leaps and bounds.
Humanity was enslaved;
No one could be saved.
And while all I wanted was a tasty treat,
the pie took over the world’s elite,
And we were forced to make a hasty retreat,
The day I baked that pie.

We started singing
Bye Bye Cthulhu Pie
you made my berries look so scary and I just don’t know why
Your evil crust makes me want to cry
this will be the day that I die…

Helter skelter the hell fires made us swelter.
The survivors hid in a fallout shelter,
But our supplies weren’t going to last.
It was time to strike, to save our lives.
Before the pie lead to our demise,
So we came up with a plan really fast.

Now an evil mist was everywhere
and Cthulhu’s minions reaped death and despair
we only had one chance,
we had to make our stance!
The pie it tried to make us scream
so we found a freezer full of vanilla ice cream
and we filled a truck to the extreme
The day I baked that pie

We started singing
Bye Bye Cthulhu Pie
you made my berries look so scary and I just don’t know why
Your evil crust makes me want to cry
this will be the day that I die…

Oh, and there we were all in one place,
the Cthulhu Pie had given us chase
but there was no time left to run and hide.
So come on: jack be nimble, jack be quick!
our plan was crazy, and our implementation drastic
but we lured the pie into an ice cream landslide

Oh, and as I watched it shout with rage
My hands clenched a spoon, ready to engage.
The pie was born in hell
but we broke that satan’s spell.
and as we devoured its tasty crust
and enjoyed the ice cream in a fit of lust
I saw Cthulhu laughing with disgust
The day I baked that pie

He started singing
Bye Bye Cthulhu Pie
you made my berries look so scary and I just don’t know why
Your evil crust makes me want to cry
this will be the day that I die…

Now, 100 years have come and gone
and the Cthulhu Pie is legend and song
and that’s the way it stayed for a while.
Until, a girl went to the grocery store
Where I had gone years before,
and she baked apples in a crust, and gave it a smile.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets blasphemed.
the evil had returned;
all of humanity burned.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day she baked that pie.

and they were singing…
Bye Bye Cthulhu Pie
you made my berries look so scary and I just don’t know why
Your evil crust makes me want to cry
this will be the day that I die…
this will be the day that I die…

[Via Neatorama]





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