Well, That Was Dumb – A Short Sci-Fi Story

Humans always asked the dumbest questions.

Why are people looking at me like I’m crazy?

Because you’re eating enough capsaicin to kill a small town you f***ing freak

Why did you refuse our mining permit?

Because sending a star supernova to make the resources “easier to collect” doesn’t meet a single legal safety requirement for mining you gibbering psychotic ape.

Why are we barred from the Iirbi system?

Because they are telepathic, and the last one who met one of your species without psychic shielding started clawing his own eyes out while quietly muttering “Tentacles don’t go there” over and over again. And they shouldn’t have to carry psychic shielding on their own planet just because you’re all perverts.

Why cant I take the alien doggy home?

Because it’s a 200 kilogram murder machine from a deathworld that… you know what f**k it, you have fun, I’m out.

We thought that when it came to insane and stupid questions, the humans were in a league of their own.

Then the humans found out about the black market pleasure slave trade of a poor race called the Nuhalens, run by a little known race called the Roulids in the galactic fringe. They heard how the gangs running the auctions had avoided punishment due to massive bribes paid to their government, and demanded it be ended immediately.

Then the Roulids managed to ask a question so monumentally stupid, it would have made someone trying to eat their own radioactive feces through a straw look like the most intelligent scholar in galactic history.

“What the f**k are you going to do about it?”

The laugh from the Nuhalens could be heard even through the vacuum of space.

Republished with permission from the author, Reddit user u/Admirable-Marsupial3. Image created with the Stable Diffusion.