WTH Japan! – You Will Die in Seven Days After Throwing This Pitch

There are two things I know for certain about the Japanese: they love baseball and they don’t give a crap about pissing off vengeful spirits.

As we learned last week, baseball is as Japanese as takoyaki. On April 25th, the Hokkaido Nippon-Ham Fighters (I can’t make this stuff up) participated in one of the most gimmicky opening pitches I have ever seen (and I live in Braves Country, we have Star Wars themed nights). Sadako, the only ghost I know that could clog a bathtub in one sitting, threw the first pitch.

She was pretty on the ball, tossing out a few signals before striking out the batter. How she managed to do it, with all that hair, is gonna go down as one of Japan’s greatest mysteries.

This isn’t the first time Japan has turned to this cursed young girl as a marketing ploy. You can snag some pretty kawaii Hello Kitty / Ringu merchandise. Nothing says cute like choking on a hairball.

Hell, the other night in Beautiful Katamari, I rolled up a well with a certain black haired ghost in it. This ghost just can’t get out of the damn television.

Why is Japan suddenly obsessed with Sadako, when it’s been over ten years after we first saw her locked in that well? There’s a new film coming out on May 12th in Japan. Sadako 3-D. Because the idea of a Japanese child crawling out of a TV wasn’t terrifying enough, you actually can experience it first hand.

Thank you, Japan. I’m going to curl in a ball of sunshine and kitties now.