As geeks, most of us know Card Against Humanity, the company that does everything differently compared to most corporations: They increased price on Black Friday, sold people poop instead of their cards, and even dug a giant hole. Now, they want to hire a new CEO, and they placed a full page ad in the Chicago Tribune to announce it. But there’s only one catch… (full text under the picture below.)
Cards Against Humanity, the #1 best-selling party game, is hiring a new CEO!
Let’s face it: we have no idea what we’re doing. This year, we wasted an enormous amount of time and energy trying to get Hillary Clinton elected President, and on Black Friday we dug a huge hole in the ground because we wanted to find out if it would be funny. It’s been a great run, but now it’s time for real adult leadership.
We are seeking a highly qualified executive to run our company who meets the following requirements:
– Strong public speaking skills
– Steady disposition, remains cool under pressure
– Willing to inherit the consequences of eight years of irresponsible spending
– Excellent negotiator able to deal with stubborn opposition
– Experience hunting terrorist masterminds
– Minimum eight years experience President of the United States of America or equivalent nation
– Strongly prefer the first black editor of Harvard Law Review
– Must currently hold a national approval rating of 57.2% or higher
– Passed comprehensive healthcare reform
– Natural born citizen of the United States
– Proficient in Microsoft Word, Excel, and PowerPoint
The ideal candidate will be excited to travel for work and be a recipient of the Nobel Peace Prize.
Women and minorities are strongly encouraged to apply.
What’s In It for You?
If you are the right candidate, we will award you 51% of our company and you can set your own salary.
– Health/dental/vision insurance (while available)
– Generous vacation time
– A new computer
– Pre-tax transit benefit
– Access to office pantry with unlimited almonds
Paid relocation to Chicago is available. Also, you can be our new Dad if you want (optional but strongly preferred).
About the Company
Cards Against Humanity is a game company based in Chicago, IL with about 30 employees. We run a coworking space for independent artists, a full-ride scholarship for women getting degrees in STEM fields, a political action committee, an international shipping company, a private island, and a castle in Ireland. We’ve also raised nearly $5 million for our nonprofit partners: the Wikimedia Foundation, the Sunlight Foundation, Electronic Frontier Foundation, and DonorsChoose.org, where Cards Against Humanity has funded over 13,000 teacher projects in high-poverty classrooms across the United States.
If you meet our qualifications, please email firstname.lastname@example.org.
Yep, the only catch is that you have to be Barack Obama. Now how awesome is that? :)
[Cards Against Humanity | Craigslist]