How to Roll High and Capture a Geek Girl’s Heart

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single geek in possession of a good dice bag, must be in want of a geek lady with whom to roll his dice.

One of the themes I’ve noticed, when writing about geek girls in general, is that many of our readers feel a little out of sorts when it comes to wooing that particular geeky lady in their lives. Love isn’t always rocket science, no, but there are some things you can do to help it flourish, to get enough experience and start leveling. Now, it’s no guarantee that if you follow my suggestions you’ll land that geek lass of your dreams, but it can’t hurt. After all, I am a geek girl, and I was successfully wooed.

Rolling for Initiative

There’s no hard and fast rule for when you’re “it” and when you’re “just friends.” But it’s probably important to keep communication open. If you’re rolling 10s and she’s got a 19, well, you really want to know ahead of time. While telepathic powers aren’t exactly standard issue, manning up and actually asking, “Hey, what do you think about us?” is probably a good idea if she’s constantly dropping you hints. And if you roll really low on your perception check, consider the following signs: lots of emails, late-night IMs, and philosophic conversations are often signs that she thinks more than “friends” where you’re concerned.

Considering Charisma

We are all passionate about what we love, and geeks in particular can take this to the extreme end. One of the reasons that geek gal might be wavering to join your party might have something to do with, well, all that talking. I’ve seen many a promising geek lad go down this dark corridor, the Chasm of Chatter. (And it’s not something relegated just to geeky men, either, I should add.) Sure, talking to a girl is nerve-wracking sometimes. But try not to just talk about you and your interests. Make sure she’s getting a word in edgewise. Make sure to ask her about her interests, too. And listen, and learn. You might discover her geeky interests to be rather inspiring. The worst thing you can possibly do? Imply that your interests are superior to hers, or that she’s wrong in what she likes. Mutual respect is absolutely essential!

Insight

Take time to get to know her. When it comes to showing her you care, don’t go for something generic. Cater to her particular fandoms. Is she a Captain Mal fan? Why don’t you throw her a Firefly-inspired birthday? Does she dig DragonAge? How about a Dragon Cake? Has she been harping about a new release she just can’t afford? Save up and get it! The worst mistake I’ve ever seen in this instance is geeks buying things they’d like instead of things their objects of affection like. Nothing quite says, “I’m not listening to you and I don’t care what you enjoy” than getting them a present more suited for you.

Diplomacy

I know, from my personal experience, some of the worst fights my husband and I had were when we were in that gray area. When passion flares and is not yet realized, there’s often an undercurrent of hostility—especially if one person is ready to move on to the next level, and the other isn’t. Probably the biggest fight my husband and I have had to date was during the Oscars when The Lord of the Rings was up for awards, and for some random reason, he decided I was being shallow to support such a show of Hollywood self-indulgence. Granted, now I know his anger really had less to do with what was going on and more to do with the fact that we weren’t, you know, together. Eventually we smoothed things out, and later it made a whole lot more sense. It’s a good idea to approach every disagreement with an open mind; chances are you might have something worth fighting for.

Skill Challenge

Sometimes you have to pull out all the stops. Sometimes life happens. Being honest and open, and being patient, really pays off in the long run. Strive for open communication, for trust. The truth is, life is never about one skill over another. It’s about using your whole character sheet, and learning to play up your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. Most young geek gals want to be able to share their interests and hobbies with someone who can appreciate them for who they are, and who are willing to stand in line with them for two hours waiting to get Wil Wheaton‘s autograph. It’s give and take, after all, just like any successful relationship.

Any tips you successful geeks have in the ways of wooing? Any geek girls out there with horror stories? What are some stats you think are irresistible?

[Images by sgs_1019 (CC) | SAMAEL TRIP (CC) via Flickr]

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34 Responses to How to Roll High and Capture a Geek Girl’s Heart

  1. I think one of the more important parts of charisma is also appearance. It certainly helps a guy out when he takes care of his personal appearance… I'm not talking about a full-on polo shirts, gelled hair, and a spray tan (cause now you'll look like a douche-y frat boy and not at ALL what some lovely geek girls are out there to get), but a guy who keep his hair and face groom and dresses a little nicer for social outings can stand out amongst the masses of crazy-haired, neckbearded, moth-eaten and food stained geek-shirted manchildren (quoted from my Lady Love).

    Also, going all-out is only advised when it's established you are actively courting her and she's accepting your advances. Going all-out on the first date when you've only know her for less than a week can make a girl think twice about dating you.

    • Well, you see, "Tommy," my group actually added a new stat into our char sheets. Comeliness. Charisma affects comeliness, but not vice-versa. An ugly man can have a 27 Charisma, but only a 6 in Comeliness. However, because of the personality, the modifier of the Charisma score gets added to the base Comeliness, thus boosting his attraction.

      Confidence is the key. You cannot expect love from someone else if you are not accepting of your own person.

      • Ack, an old article gets re-linked and my email gets bombarded… Anyways…

        First off, calm down. Based upon the implied tone I’m getting from your response, it feels like you’re getting slightly defensive here and I don’t want that, otherwise we can’t have a in-depth discussion over this.

        Now, onto your key point that confidence is the key, I completely agree with that. You cannot love someone else until you learn to love who you are or become someone you can respect and love. My reply to this article does seem slightly confusing, and I apologize for that, but I feel that a person’s outward appearance is an extension of that confidence, and can help contribute to it. The clothes you wear can have a profound effect on how you think and act, and if you don’t believe me, then put on a top hat and tell me if that doesn’t make you feel like a dapper chap. Of course, it goes without saying that if someone decides to wear clothes that they feel completely uncomfortable in, it will show and can hurt one’s confidence.

        Part of my response stems from an opinion that my girlfriend shared at some point. We were discussing some friends and relationships, and she pointed out that appearance makes a difference when it comes to courting. When she and I had first met, we were at an Anime Club BBQ and according to her, I happened to stand out because I was wearing a collared dress shirt, clean jeans, and kept a well-groomed appearance (I “looked sexy” in her words, but I think that’s a biased opinion). It was different, and definitely stood out amongst my other anime friends. I personally like wearing collared, button-up long sleeve shirts, and for some, this can be disconcerting as my appearance doesn’t exactly “coincide” with that of other geeks. However, we got to talking and have been together for almost two years.

        I know quite a few people who are in my opinion, some of the best people in the world. Yet, it breaks my heart that even if they’re awesome people, they’re still lonely and haven’t found that special someone yet. I’ve had quite a bit of experience when it comes to dating as well as some research in dating, relationships, and courting, and the cold, hard truth that I’ve seen is that when given a choice, a person will tend to opt for the more attractive option, regardless if the other choice is better for them. It’s my opinion that it’s hard-wired into our DNA as a species, and it’s true when it comes to mating in the animal kingdom as well.

        I digress though. My main point is this: I agree that you need to have the confidence in yourself first before anything else. That confidence will fuel other aspects in your life, and in my opinion, your appearance is an outward extension of that confidence. It shouldn’t be the domineering factor in your overall attraction to another person, but it sure as hell doesn’t help.

      • Ack, an old article gets re-linked and my email gets bombarded… Anyways…

        First off, calm down. Based upon the implied tone I’m getting from your response, it feels like you’re getting slightly defensive here and I don’t want that, otherwise we can’t have a in-depth discussion over this.

        Now, onto your key point that confidence is the key, I completely agree with that. You cannot love someone else until you learn to love who you are or become someone you can respect and love. My reply to this article does seem slightly confusing, and I apologize for that, but I feel that a person’s outward appearance is an extension of that confidence, and can help contribute to it. The clothes you wear can have a profound effect on how you think and act, and if you don’t believe me, then put on a top hat and tell me if that doesn’t make you feel like a dapper chap. Of course, it goes without saying that if someone decides to wear clothes that they feel completely uncomfortable in, it will show and can hurt one’s confidence.

        Part of my response stems from an opinion that my girlfriend shared at some point. We were discussing some friends and relationships, and she pointed out that appearance makes a difference when it comes to courting. When she and I had first met, we were at an Anime Club BBQ and according to her, I happened to stand out because I was wearing a collared dress shirt, clean jeans, and kept a well-groomed appearance (I “looked sexy” in her words, but I think that’s a biased opinion). It was different, and definitely stood out amongst my other anime friends. I personally like wearing collared, button-up long sleeve shirts, and for some, this can be disconcerting as my appearance doesn’t exactly “coincide” with that of other geeks. However, we got to talking and have been together for almost two years.

        I know quite a few people who are in my opinion, some of the best people in the world. Yet, it breaks my heart that even if they’re awesome people, they’re still lonely and haven’t found that special someone yet. I’ve had quite a bit of experience when it comes to dating as well as some research in dating, relationships, and courting, and the cold, hard truth that I’ve seen is that when given a choice, a person will tend to opt for the more attractive option, regardless if the other choice is better for them. It’s my opinion that it’s hard-wired into our DNA as a species, and it’s true when it comes to mating in the animal kingdom as well.

        I digress though. My main point is this: I agree that you need to have the confidence in yourself first before anything else. That confidence will fuel other aspects in your life, and in my opinion, your appearance is an outward extension of that confidence. It shouldn’t be the domineering factor in your overall attraction to another person, but it sure as hell doesn’t help.

      • Ack, an old article gets re-linked and my email gets bombarded… Anyways…

        First off, calm down. Based upon the implied tone I’m getting from your response, it feels like you’re getting slightly defensive here and I don’t want that, otherwise we can’t have a in-depth discussion over this.

        Now, onto your key point that confidence is the key, I completely agree with that. You cannot love someone else until you learn to love who you are or become someone you can respect and love. My reply to this article does seem slightly confusing, and I apologize for that, but I feel that a person’s outward appearance is an extension of that confidence, and can help contribute to it. The clothes you wear can have a profound effect on how you think and act, and if you don’t believe me, then put on a top hat and tell me if that doesn’t make you feel like a dapper chap. Of course, it goes without saying that if someone decides to wear clothes that they feel completely uncomfortable in, it will show and can hurt one’s confidence.

        Part of my response stems from an opinion that my girlfriend shared at some point. We were discussing some friends and relationships, and she pointed out that appearance makes a difference when it comes to courting. When she and I had first met, we were at an Anime Club BBQ and according to her, I happened to stand out because I was wearing a collared dress shirt, clean jeans, and kept a well-groomed appearance (I “looked sexy” in her words, but I think that’s a biased opinion). It was different, and definitely stood out amongst my other anime friends. I personally like wearing collared, button-up long sleeve shirts, and for some, this can be disconcerting as my appearance doesn’t exactly “coincide” with that of other geeks. However, we got to talking and have been together for almost two years.

        I know quite a few people who are in my opinion, some of the best people in the world. Yet, it breaks my heart that even if they’re awesome people, they’re still lonely and haven’t found that special someone yet. I’ve had quite a bit of experience when it comes to dating as well as some research in dating, relationships, and courting, and the cold, hard truth that I’ve seen is that when given a choice, a person will tend to opt for the more attractive option, regardless if the other choice is better for them. It’s my opinion that it’s hard-wired into our DNA as a species, and it’s true when it comes to mating in the animal kingdom as well.

        I digress though. My main point is this: I agree that you need to have the confidence in yourself first before anything else. That confidence will fuel other aspects in your life, and in my opinion, your appearance is an outward extension of that confidence. It shouldn’t be the domineering factor in your overall attraction to another person, but it sure as hell doesn’t help.

      • Ack, an old article gets re-linked and my email gets bombarded… Anyways…

        First off, calm down. Based upon the implied tone I’m getting from your response, it feels like you’re getting slightly defensive here and I don’t want that, otherwise we can’t have a in-depth discussion over this.

        Now, onto your key point that confidence is the key, I completely agree with that. You cannot love someone else until you learn to love who you are or become someone you can respect and love. My reply to this article does seem slightly confusing, and I apologize for that, but I feel that a person’s outward appearance is an extension of that confidence, and can help contribute to it. The clothes you wear can have a profound effect on how you think and act, and if you don’t believe me, then put on a top hat and tell me if that doesn’t make you feel like a dapper chap. Of course, it goes without saying that if someone decides to wear clothes that they feel completely uncomfortable in, it will show and can hurt one’s confidence.

        Part of my response stems from an opinion that my girlfriend shared at some point. We were discussing some friends and relationships, and she pointed out that appearance makes a difference when it comes to courting. When she and I had first met, we were at an Anime Club BBQ and according to her, I happened to stand out because I was wearing a collared dress shirt, clean jeans, and kept a well-groomed appearance (I “looked sexy” in her words, but I think that’s a biased opinion). It was different, and definitely stood out amongst my other anime friends. I personally like wearing collared, button-up long sleeve shirts, and for some, this can be disconcerting as my appearance doesn’t exactly “coincide” with that of other geeks. However, we got to talking and have been together for almost two years.

        I know quite a few people who are in my opinion, some of the best people in the world. Yet, it breaks my heart that even if they’re awesome people, they’re still lonely and haven’t found that special someone yet. I’ve had quite a bit of experience when it comes to dating as well as some research in dating, relationships, and courting, and the cold, hard truth that I’ve seen is that when given a choice, a person will tend to opt for the more attractive option, regardless if the other choice is better for them. It’s my opinion that it’s hard-wired into our DNA as a species, and it’s true when it comes to mating in the animal kingdom as well.

        I digress though. My main point is this: I agree that you need to have the confidence in yourself first before anything else. That confidence will fuel other aspects in your life, and in my opinion, your appearance is an outward extension of that confidence. It shouldn’t be the domineering factor in your overall attraction to another person, but it sure as hell doesn’t help.

    • "courting"
      :'D that was such a geeky thing to say and very well hidden :D i half expected you to followup with m'lady

  2. Totally true! Love this article! Thumbs up all around. And yes, along with charisma, appearance does count for something. Most geeky girls doesn't want the gamer guys who smells like mountain dew, and that has been sit at the computer for a week straight playing WoW. Hygiene, it's a good thing!

    • Admittedly, we're somewhat of a VERY RARE breed and tend to get snatched up quickly. I apologize for that, but I'll work on getting my other friends up to speed if it's any consolation… they're really great guys. ^_^

  3. I can say that what really appeals to me is when someone is willing to try and get into what you like. Even if they don't like it the way you do, they still made the effort.

  4. Haha, Hi Samael ;)

    We were looking for a CC picture of a girl looking kind of bored, hope you don't mind us using the pic! But the question remains, are you a geek or not? :)

  5. I'd put a lot more emphasis on Skill Challenge. One of the reasons I don't date non-geeks is frankly because they ask me:

    'What is Starwars?'

    WTH. If you don't know about the Starwars Franchise or can't tell the difference between Startrek and Stargate… You've been eternally written off my books. >.<

    Also: not bitching at me when I'm playing marathon sessions of games with my Clan would help too =p

    All in all, I think this article aims mostly towards normal girls and not geek girls. =)

  6. Me and the boyfriend are both geeks, but in different ways. I'm more weaboo-pop-culture-Hello-Kitty-Sailor-Moon and he does computer hardware. We both watch Star Trek, LOVE Firefly and have an array of in-jokes. What makes it work is that our interests are similar but also diverse. He gets irritated at my Kitty merch, and I sometimes get irritated at the sheer amount of computer parts and cables everywhere but in the end we work!

    You know what they say… Be yourself. Unless 'yourself' is a perverted, ecchi weirdo with a hygiene issue. Then try having a shower and putting the porn away. She'll like you more.

  7. "Research has shown there is one sure way to a female's heart. You start with a four-inch incision…" – Kowalski (Penguins of Madagascar)

  8. I know it helped me to give a little space when first going attempting to woo my geek girl. I basically did what was listed, but sometimes it helps if you give them a day or two. Don't blow up their e-mail account because you are so interested to move it forward really really quickly.(comes off as annoying)

    Take your time, not to much but it does help out.

    Its that whole don't know what you got till its gone deal. If you aren't missing a couple days how is she supposed to miss you?

    At least thats how I see it.

  9. True true true! Ive been looking for a well put-together geek guy! Cause I can't date a dude thats not a geek (Im a total geek, what would we talk about? >.<) or a greasy gross dude (yuck…) we want to have our cake and eat it too, too bad I havent found anyone like this :(

    • We tend to get snatched up pretty quickly faster than an Ultra Rare at a TCG Draft tournament, but we’re out there. Keep looking and you’ll find that guy. ^_^ (Or… make him…? I don’t condone this at ALL, but I’ve seen it done…)

  10. I think while this article has some all right advice, the larger problem for most geeks is actually FINDING a geek girl! Let's be honest – most geeks aren't very social animals, and encountering a cute geekette that one will see repeatedly enough to take that leap of finding out if the both of your share a mutual attraction is far more difficult.

    • Trust me, it is NOT hard to find one. Two to one, they are all around you, but don't really have the telltale signs of being a geek.

      Conventions that cater to your type of geekery is where it's at. Trust me. =D

  11. Head to a convention that shares your interests (Anime, Comic Books, Video games, D&D). TRUST ME, you WILL find them.

  12. roses are #ff0000 violets are #0000ff all my base are belong to you
    geeky girls are teh best, especially when they game with you :D