How to Roll High and Capture a Geek Girl’s Heart

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single geek in possession of a good dice bag, must be in want of a geek lady with whom to roll his dice.

One of the themes I’ve noticed, when writing about geek girls in general, is that many of our readers feel a little out of sorts when it comes to wooing that particular geeky lady in their lives. Love isn’t always rocket science, no, but there are some things you can do to help it flourish, to get enough experience and start leveling. Now, it’s no guarantee that if you follow my suggestions you’ll land that geek lass of your dreams, but it can’t hurt. After all, I am a geek girl, and I was successfully wooed.

Rolling for Initiative

There’s no hard and fast rule for when you’re “it” and when you’re “just friends.” But it’s probably important to keep communication open. If you’re rolling 10s and she’s got a 19, well, you really want to know ahead of time. While telepathic powers aren’t exactly standard issue, manning up and actually asking, “Hey, what do you think about us?” is probably a good idea if she’s constantly dropping you hints. And if you roll really low on your perception check, consider the following signs: lots of emails, late-night IMs, and philosophic conversations are often signs that she thinks more than “friends” where you’re concerned.

Considering Charisma

We are all passionate about what we love, and geeks in particular can take this to the extreme end. One of the reasons that geek gal might be wavering to join your party might have something to do with, well, all that talking. I’ve seen many a promising geek lad go down this dark corridor, the Chasm of Chatter. (And it’s not something relegated just to geeky men, either, I should add.) Sure, talking to a girl is nerve-wracking sometimes. But try not to just talk about you and your interests. Make sure she’s getting a word in edgewise. Make sure to ask her about her interests, too. And listen, and learn. You might discover her geeky interests to be rather inspiring. The worst thing you can possibly do? Imply that your interests are superior to hers, or that she’s wrong in what she likes. Mutual respect is absolutely essential!


Take time to get to know her. When it comes to showing her you care, don’t go for something generic. Cater to her particular fandoms. Is she a Captain Mal fan? Why don’t you throw her a Firefly-inspired birthday? Does she dig DragonAge? How about a Dragon Cake? Has she been harping about a new release she just can’t afford? Save up and get it! The worst mistake I’ve ever seen in this instance is geeks buying things they’d like instead of things their objects of affection like. Nothing quite says, “I’m not listening to you and I don’t care what you enjoy” than getting them a present more suited for you.


I know, from my personal experience, some of the worst fights my husband and I had were when we were in that gray area. When passion flares and is not yet realized, there’s often an undercurrent of hostility—especially if one person is ready to move on to the next level, and the other isn’t. Probably the biggest fight my husband and I have had to date was during the Oscars when The Lord of the Rings was up for awards, and for some random reason, he decided I was being shallow to support such a show of Hollywood self-indulgence. Granted, now I know his anger really had less to do with what was going on and more to do with the fact that we weren’t, you know, together. Eventually we smoothed things out, and later it made a whole lot more sense. It’s a good idea to approach every disagreement with an open mind; chances are you might have something worth fighting for.

Skill Challenge

Sometimes you have to pull out all the stops. Sometimes life happens. Being honest and open, and being patient, really pays off in the long run. Strive for open communication, for trust. The truth is, life is never about one skill over another. It’s about using your whole character sheet, and learning to play up your strengths and compensate for your weaknesses. Most young geek gals want to be able to share their interests and hobbies with someone who can appreciate them for who they are, and who are willing to stand in line with them for two hours waiting to get Wil Wheaton‘s autograph. It’s give and take, after all, just like any successful relationship.

Any tips you successful geeks have in the ways of wooing? Any geek girls out there with horror stories? What are some stats you think are irresistible?

[Images by sgs_1019 (CC) | SAMAEL TRIP (CC) via Flickr]

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