Apple Stores Unveil New “Friend Bar”

Building on the success of the Genius bars, Apple stores across the country unveiled the Friend Bar, a new service that pairs insufferable Apple customers with “friends” that will listen to them rattle on for hours.

Oh, and if this is the first time you’ve listened to a news report from the ONN, please note that ANYTHING coming from them shouldn’t be taken too seriously. :)

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8 Responses to Apple Stores Unveil New “Friend Bar”

  1. Oh dear god… Are we all pathetic enough to require companies to pay someone to pretend to be our friends — that should really provide some insight towards the people who buy these products.

    But people are eating it up! "I can have a YesMan to sit there and nod or excitedly exclaim 'Oh Yes!' every time I mention an Apple product by name?!?!? I think I'm going to wet myself with excitement!"

    Let's not attempt to fix the fact that if you have more than two fingers, when you hold your iPhone you lose signal. Instead, let's pay a bunch of people to entertain our most asinine customers.

    But hey, I guess you're just trying to make money by convincing people that the universe revolves around them — what could *POSSIBLY* go wrong with that?

  2. Oh dear god… Are we all pathetic enough to require companies to pay someone to pretend to be our friends — that should really provide some insight towards the people who buy these products.

    But people are eating it up! “I can have a YesMan to sit there and nod or excitedly exclaim ‘Oh Yes!’ every time I mention an Apple product by name?!?!? I think I’m going to wet myself with excitement!”

    Let’s not attempt to fix the fact that if you have more than two fingers, when you hold your iPhone you lose signal. Instead, let’s pay a bunch of people to entertain our most asinine customers.

    But hey, I guess you’re just trying to make money by convincing people that the universe revolves around them — what could *POSSIBLY* go wrong with that?

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