GPS Underwear: Catch Me If You Can!

by Casey Lynn
Contributing Writer, [GAS]

Has your girlfriend been hard to track down lately? Do you suspect she’s been keeping her cell phone off on purpose? Or better yet–is it that you really just care about where her bra and panties have been? Well, then this holiday season you can give the gift that keeps on giving (off creepy stalker vibes): lingerie with a built-in GPS tracking system.

This is so many levels of loopy that I don’t even know where to start. First of all, feminists in Brazil (the home country of designer Lucia Lorio) are in an uproar, boycotting the undies and claiming that they’re nothing more than a modern-day, tech-savvy “chastity belt.” Lorio argues that her creation is nothing of the sort: “”This collection … is a wink to women and a challenge to men because, even if she gives him the password to her GPS, she can always turn it off.” Well, to her credit, it’s not as if a woman could get the lingerie as a gift and simply not realize that the tracker is in there.

“Wow, darling, thanks for this… incredibly ugly nightie. But what is weird little black box weighing me down on one side?”

“Pay no attention to that, sugar! You know them crazy avant-garde designers. Now make sure that you wear this all the time. Yes, even underneath your clothes.”

Lorio also points out that women may buy the lingerie for protection, possibly “programming it for partners themselves so they are safe on a night out alone.” Aha! So the woman gives her boyfriend the password to her GPS so that she can go out without him… in a transparent nightie.

The obvious question, of course, is why you would want a GPS in your lingerie, of all places. Hasn’t everyone seen True Lies? You sew the GPS tracker into the lining of her purse! Duh. That’s for the jealous husbands. And if you’re a woman really wanting protection, then you can carry it with you in some way that doesn’t include your having to wear an $800 nightie underneath your clothes… again, the purse is a nice choice.

If it weren’t for the designer trying so hard to explain the practicality, I’d think that maybe this was some sort of art piece or statement (or joke). As it is, I also find the feminist boycotting to be kind of amusing since I can’t see how this design is even good enough to oppress women.

“wherever there is danger,” the designer says, “the underwear may prove to be a lifesaver.” I say, no way, unless somehow we’ve started talking about Captain Underpants.

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5 Responses to GPS Underwear: Catch Me If You Can!

  1. i remember reading about some kind of super bra for women awhile back. i can’t remember the details. maybe it was knife proof? or maybe it made some kind of loud sound if it came undone. or maybe it alerted police when it came undone. crap i can’t remember, but it definitely made with the intention of protection for women walking alone at night.

  2. i remember reading about some kind of super bra for women awhile back. i can't remember the details. maybe it was knife proof? or maybe it made some kind of loud sound if it came undone. or maybe it alerted police when it came undone. crap i can't remember, but it definitely made with the intention of protection for women walking alone at night.

  3. Next thing you know they’ll come up with lingerie where bra straps and garter belts are made with tiny electrical shock fibers that are set off by failed finger and/or penis biometric authentication. (Wow, did I just come up with that? Crap=/)

  4. Next thing you know they'll come up with lingerie where bra straps and garter belts are made with tiny electrical shock fibers that are set off by failed finger and/or penis biometric authentication. (Wow, did I just come up with that? Crap=/)

  5. Great share! GPS technology is advancing faster than most of us can keep up with. Many of us know that this advancement makes it possible for us to track nearly anything or anyone.

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