What’s your best geek joke?

By Mark O’Neill
Contributing Writer, [GAS]

The Guardian blog has a selection of funny geek jokes, including the one below, which is my personal favourite :

A farmer is out in the middle of a barren hillside, tending to his sheep, when suddenly a black Range Rover comes hurtling towards him. It stops, and a man dressed impeccibly in an Italian suit and wearing designer sunglasses gets out.

“If I can tell you how many sheep you have here,” he asks, “can I have one of them?”

The farmer replies “I suppose so.”

The man reaches into his car and pulls out a GPS receiver and laptop, connects it to a satellite phone, and logs onto the internet. He immediately goes to the NASA website, logs into the satellite page, uploads his current latitude and longitude and requests a high resolution thermal satellite image with 20cm resolution. He then runs the image through image processing software which counts all the heat sources. Subtracting two, for himself and the farmer, he proudly announces that there were 483 animals on the hillside.

“That’s correct” replies the farmer, to which the man lifts the nearest animal and places it in the back of his Range Rover.

The farmer then asks “If I can tell you what you do for a living, can I have it back?” The man agrees, and the farmer announces with confidence that he’s an IT Consultant.

“How did you know that?” he asked.

“Simple really,” replies the farmer. “You arrive here without being asked, try to impress me with the latest must-have technology, only to give me the answer to a question which I already knew. More importantly you know absolutely nothing about my business. Now….can I please have my dog back?”

What’s your best geek joke?   Tell us in the comments and give us all a good laugh!

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26 Responses to What’s your best geek joke?

  1. This is a joke for music geeks. :) It makes ME laugh anyway…

    Three notes walk into a bar–a G, an E flat, and a C. The bartender looks up and says “We don’t serve minors.” So the E flat leaves and the other two have a fifth between them.

  2. This is a joke for music geeks. :) It makes ME laugh anyway…

    Three notes walk into a bar–a G, an E flat, and a C. The bartender looks up and says “We don’t serve minors.” So the E flat leaves and the other two have a fifth between them.

    • How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

      They don't need to – the fault will be corrected in the software.

    • How many hardware engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

      They don’t need to – the fault will be corrected in the software.

  3. There are 2 atoms and one goes to the other "he man I just lost an electron" and the other replies "are you sure?" and the other answers "I'm positive" :D

  4. There are 2 atoms and one goes to the other “he man I just lost an electron” and the other replies “are you sure?” and the other answers “I’m positive” :D

  5. A farmer discovers that all of his chickens have stopped laying for no apparent reason.

    He calls the vet but he can't get to the farmer until the following day.

    The farmers next door neighbour, a physicist, says he can find and fix the problem before the vet arrives so the farmer lets him take a look at the chickens.

    The physicist looks at the chickens, makes some notes and disappears back to his house.

    A few hours later the farmer gets a phone call from the physicist,

    "Good News! I've found the solution… but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum"

    ;-)

      • Some problems don't need theoretical solutions, they need practical answers. :-) You can't change EVERYTHING about your problem, only a bounded number of things. Shape of chickens and placing them in vacuum aren't things you can change, so the process was a waste of time practically, but still makes for a successful problem solving in theory. That's the joke. What should have been said is that it was a THEORETICAL PHYSICIST. :-)

  6. A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender serves him and the neutron happily downs it. The neutron asks, "How much do I owe you?" And the bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

  7. A neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink. The bartender serves him and the neutron happily downs it. The neutron asks, “How much do I owe you?” And the bartender replies, “For you, no charge.”

  8. A farmer discovers that all of his chickens have stopped laying for no apparent reason.

    He calls the vet but he can’t get to the farmer until the following day.

    The farmers next door neighbour, a physicist, says he can find and fix the problem before the vet arrives so the farmer lets him take a look at the chickens.

    The physicist looks at the chickens, makes some notes and disappears back to his house.

    A few hours later the farmer gets a phone call from the physicist,

    “Good News! I’ve found the solution… but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum”

    ;-)

  9. The sheep joke was hilarious!

    I just made this one up while at the bunch. It's for microbiology geeks:

    What do catholic fungus go to in the evening?

    A mycelial mass!

    (consult a mycologist if you need help with that one)

  10. The sheep joke was hilarious!

    I just made this one up while at the bunch. It’s for microbiology geeks:

    What do catholic fungus go to in the evening?
    A mycelial mass!

    (consult a mycologist if you need help with that one)

  11. An Architect, an Artist and an Engineer are discussing whether it's better to have a wife or a mistress. The Architect says "A wife – marriage gives you the solid foundation that a relationship needs". The Artist says "A mistress – the relationship is full of passion and romance". The Engineer says "Both. That way the wife thinks you're with the mistress, the mistress thinks you're with the wife and you can go back to the lab and get some work done".

  12. An Architect, an Artist and an Engineer are discussing whether it’s better to have a wife or a mistress. The Architect says “A wife – marriage gives you the solid foundation that a relationship needs”. The Artist says “A mistress – the relationship is full of passion and romance”. The Engineer says “Both. That way the wife thinks you’re with the mistress, the mistress thinks you’re with the wife and you can go back to the lab and get some work done”.

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