Jedi attacked by Darth Vader and a metal crutch

By Mark O’Neill

We previously reported on Geeks Are Sexy about the UK Church of the Jedi. Today reports are coming in about one of the Jedi masters – Mr Barney Jones – being attacked by Lord of the Sith Darth Vader (not to be confused with supermarket manager Chad Vader).

Police are now hunting for a man dressed “in a black bin-bag and wearing Darth Vader’s trademark shiny black helmet”. He went for Jedi Master Jones with a metal crutch, who was in the middle of being interviewed by a TV crew. After showing Jones who the boss was, Vader then turned and started on the TV crew and a hairdresser.

But a spokesman for the Galactic Empire refused to comment this morning on why Lord Vader was seen without his trademark lightsaber. “The Lord of the Sith does not comment on methods of attack on Jedis” was all they would say, before I had the sudden urge to thank them for their co-operation, hang up, go home and re-think my life.