The Geek’s Ultimate Guide to Picking Up Girls

Unless you’ve been living under a virtual rock, you’ve heard the meme bouncing around the Internet about how girls love Geeks. We published the 12 Reasons a Geek Will Steal Your Girlfriend in 2008 last month, but wanted to put something together for the geeks out there who may be feeling left out, or who may be thinking “where is all this love for geeks? I’m certainly not seeing any movement in my Action-O-Meter… how can I get a piece of that?”

With that in mind, we proudly present Geeky Tips for Picking Up Chicks. We’re not giving away all our secrets, but these basics should be enough to get you started… and you can begin milking your geekiness for all the sweet ass it’s worth.

• Leave no stone unturned in the hunt for geekophilic females

Before you can sweep girls off their feet with your dazzling knowledge of Star Wars trivia, you’ve got to find them. You could hit up the standard nightclubs and bars, but those settings aren’t particularly conducive for fully deploying the Geek’s Girl-Getting Toolbox.

Your best bet is to frequent places with a high concentration of geek-friendly girls. Here are a few good places to start your search:

MMOGs – Seriously. MMOGs, or Massive Multiplayer Online Video Games, are a buzzing hive of Geekdom and have actually attracted a sizable female population. The problem for girls online is that guys playing games like WoW, Eve Online, and Second Life act like complete asshats around them. Whether they’re asking girls “Are you REALLY a girl?” over and over, kneeling to propose at their first meeting, or just reverting back to fourth-grade antics like boob jokes and ass grabbing, most dudes do not play it cool around pixelated chicks. If you want a shot at pulling some Alliance tail, just don’t be a jerk. Treat women with respect and courtesy—it’s good advice even when you’re not trying to score.

Most girls also like guys with wealth and power, even in the online realm, so don’t be afraid to break out your uber armor and weapons, gratuitously call out your guild bodyguards or buy her that pricey magic bow she’s had her eye on in the marketplace.

Once you’ve secured the affections of your online lady and verified that she’s not really a guy, 600 lbs., or one of those dudes from To Catch a Predator, a geeky sex-fueled weekend romp is but a $200 plane ticket away; to say nothing of the regular Teamspeak heavy petting you’ll enjoy.

Blogger/Tweet Ups – If you’re lucky enough to live in a city with lots of bloggers and social-media types, you need to explore the world of online-to-real world meet ups. Bloggers, Twitterers, and other online-media types like to get out from behind their keyboards every now then for a drink. Find out where and when these events are happening and show up with your game face on. Grab a nametag and start a’ mingling. It’s good to roll with a wingman or two at these events if you can, so you don’t look desperate. Talk about how revolutionary you think Twitter is, how big your RSS subscriber base is, and how WordPress totally owns the mess that is Drupal.

Bookstores – The bookstore scene is great because you can be selective about your targets based on the area of the store they are browsing. The Fantasy/Sci-Fi section is an obvious choice, as is Computers and Programming and Photography and the Arts. Spend some time cycling around the shelves on a Saturday afternoon and work your geeky mojo. Sections to avoid meeting women in: self help, debt management and pregnancy health.

• Be smart. Be funny. Be funny and smart

Girls LOVE guys who can make them laugh. Geek-loving girls love guys who can make them laugh AND think. The tricky part is to sound simultaneously humble, smart, funny and confident. Sly, self-depreciating humor lets her know you don’t take yourself too seriously but that you’re totally comfortable in your own skin. Bonus points for landing a joke about Creative Commons.

• Don’t be afraid to bling out your geek

Don’t knock it- bling and flash work. Pop out your scratch-less iPhone, check your binary watch for the time and work your pimpin’ Swiss Army knife/USB Drive into the conversation. The idea is to let her know you have enough income to pay for the finer gadgets in life (read: shoes, designer handbags, diamond earrings) while exhibiting your obvious knowledge of how to program the TiVo. Girls like guys who enjoy spending money on the finer things in life, so make sure to drop lots of subtle hints that you are a provider, even if the only thing you’re planning on providing is a night in the ol’ bone sack.

• It’s all about the numbers, so talk to them all

Sometimes you can’t peg a geek-loving girl right away and have to do some conversational investigation. Talk to women everywhere. You’re a hunter looking for the right female, the one who might think your collection of hand-painted Mech micros are cute; the one who will cuddle up to watch your Firefly DVD; the one who end up jumping on for a fun run while watching the crew of Serenity bash around in space. Talking to women is just like Halo—you get better with practice.

• Be good about the follow up. Be nice, and don’t blow it for other geeks

An important piece of advice? Don’t be a jerk. If there’s a sudden surge of Geeks plowing through women with one-night stands and treating their hookups badly after a little nookie it’s going to make it a lot harder for the rest of us to keep this whole “Geeks Are Sexy” thing rolling. Treat women with respect and don’t tell them lies about wanting to get together again, when all you’re planning on doing is slipping them a fake phone number. Be nice! After all, they just did a job on your knob. The smart Geek also knows that bad word of mouth can kill future prospects.

So there you have it. A golden elixir of tippery to help you score some geek-loving lady action. Go forth, my horny army of code loving, Boing Boing reading, sarcastically cool Geeks. Go forth… and prosper.

Oh and before we go, you’ll be pleased to learn that we partnered with our friends from Dailyidea to bring you this excellent video accompaniment to the article.

If you enjoyed this article, be sure to read this one too: 12 Reasons Why a Geek Will Steal Your Girlfriend in 2008