Klingon for Federation dummies

By Mark O’Neill

klingonnotkillfood.png Don’t ask me how I managed to allow myself to get suckered into this situation but I am now learning Klingon. As a life-long Trekkie, I have always been able to mutter a few words of the warrior tongue but it wasn’t until last week that I started to memorise words and phrases. I was having an argument with a friend online about how Klingon was a legitimate language (my view) and her view that it was “just a TV marketing gimmick”. A statement like that was enough to contemplate getting my Batlev out to do battle with this ignorant girl until she said “if it’s a real language then learn it then! Talk to me in Klingon!”. Nuqjatlh? (as your ordinary Klingon dude would say). bIjatlh ‘e’ yImev! Time for battle! It truly is a good day to learn a science-fiction series-based language!

So I turned to the trusty Klingon Google search engine and found the Klingon Language Institute which unbelievably is actually a real non-profit 501(c)3 corporation! Nuqjatlh? The site claims that Klingon is the “galaxy’s fastest growing language”. I’d sure like to see some stats to back that statement up! The KLI even have an email discussion group so that makes them pretty serious then.

So I decided to start with some basic phrases. Standing in my best Mr Worf pose (complete with scowl and bad attitude), I proceeded to roar out some Klingon vocab. I was reliably informed later that the postwoman was coming up our driveway when I roared out the Klingon Hab SoSlI’ Quch! (which is apparently a pretty serious Klingon insult about your mother). The postwoman suddenly got extremely nervous and turned around and walked away without delivering the mail!

So here for your education, you puny Federation weaklings, is some basic Klingon vocabulary. You can get some information on the sounds and prounciation and even learn some words not in the Klingon dictionary.

If you suddenly go all General Chang on us, you can sign up for a professional membership. But when it comes to money, I lean towards the Ferengi persuasion and start quoting the Rules of Acquisition. Number 54 is particularly relevant to this situation.