Why Geeks Shouldn’t Change for Anybody

If you are a geek, and you are with a non-geek significant other, chances are they will try to change you at a point in your relationship. (Okay, yes, the chances of a guy wanting to change a geeky girl into a non-geek is pretty low, but who knows… it might happen.)

Anyhow, the folks at Diggnation had an interesting discussion in their latest show about a geek that wants to marry a girl that just won’t understand him. I thought that a bit of conventional wisdom would be the perfect way to start the year.

Personally, I’m a very lucky guy; my wife has always been very respectful of my geekiness, even if causes conflicts on occasion. However, I know a few people who are living a real nightmare with their significant other. In some case, these conflicts are justified (16-hour gaming session anyone?), but in other cases, a geeky attitude doesn’t really hurt anybody, and can actually be fun.

Care to share your thoughts about how geek / non-geek relationships should be handled? The comments section is opened for discussion.

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20 Responses to Why Geeks Shouldn’t Change for Anybody

  1. I can totally relate to that. My wife is so far away from geekdom she’s on another planet. Thankfully she hasn’t tried to change me. She probably knows that it is a lost cause.

  2. my wife definatly is not as geeky as I am but she does have some geek-ness in her so she lets me go off into my own world as long as I come over to her side from time to time.

  3. my wife definatly is not as geeky as I am but she does have some geek-ness in her so she lets me go off into my own world as long as I come over to her side from time to time.

  4. Now, I like my men geeky. I like ’em pale and sarcastic and passionate about things. And playing WOW all day is fine, if there’s nothing else you’re supposed to be doing. If you’re supposed to be looking for a job, or you’ve told your significant other you will clean the appartment while she is at work and you have the day off, and instead you choose to WOW all day, or for days on end until the dishes pile up in the sink and the whole house smells like catbox, that crosses the line from being a geek to being a little boy in a man’s body.

  5. If the non-geek can’t handle or wants to change the geeky behavior of the geek in the relationship, then it’s time for the non-geek to leave. The geekiness is part of who that person is, and if that is not ok with the other person, there’s nothing wrong with the non-geek, but obviously the geek was not meant for her. Fortunatley, both I and my SO are geeks to the core, so neither wants to change the other.

  6. Now, I like my men geeky. I like 'em pale and sarcastic and passionate about things. And playing WOW all day is fine, if there's nothing else you're supposed to be doing. If you're supposed to be looking for a job, or you've told your significant other you will clean the appartment while she is at work and you have the day off, and instead you choose to WOW all day, or for days on end until the dishes pile up in the sink and the whole house smells like catbox, that crosses the line from being a geek to being a little boy in a man's body.

  7. If the non-geek can't handle or wants to change the geeky behavior of the geek in the relationship, then it's time for the non-geek to leave. The geekiness is part of who that person is, and if that is not ok with the other person, there's nothing wrong with the non-geek, but obviously the geek was not meant for her. Fortunatley, both I and my SO are geeks to the core, so neither wants to change the other.

  8. My wife’s not as geeky as I am. She’s just learned to accept it and she’s quite supportive at times. She’s recommended to many people. She’s a bit more social thamn I am. Not always financially but that’s another issue.

  9. My wife's not as geeky as I am. She's just learned to accept it and she's quite supportive at times. She's recommended to many people. She's a bit more social thamn I am. Not always financially but that's another issue.

  10. For me if you really are loved by a person, he will accept you for whatever you are. He shouldnt dictate you. He even more embrace your weaknesses.

  11. For me if you really are loved by a person, he will accept you for whatever you are. He shouldnt dictate you. He even more embrace your weaknesses.

  12. See, I just got out of an 18 month relationship with a non geek male (I being the geek in the relationship). Or at least, a geek, but not my kind. I'm a WoWer, he's a snobby Guitar Hero player… And I would manage to fit in a casual raiding guild on wow (probably 20 hours per week raiding), 2 jobs AND doing at least a bit of housework around that…

    But he couldn't hold a job for more than a couple of days… Didn't do anything at home, and wasn't even a really good guitar hero player… Now chasing a fellow WoWer who has a full time job, does house work around that, and joins me in WoW for a /kiss every night we're on together :D.

    Sounds like a match made in Azeroth, anyone agree? :P <3 my future Mr. Geek.

  13. See, I just got out of an 18 month relationship with a non geek male (I being the geek in the relationship). Or at least, a geek, but not my kind. I’m a WoWer, he’s a snobby Guitar Hero player… And I would manage to fit in a casual raiding guild on wow (probably 20 hours per week raiding), 2 jobs AND doing at least a bit of housework around that…

    But he couldn’t hold a job for more than a couple of days… Didn’t do anything at home, and wasn’t even a really good guitar hero player… Now chasing a fellow WoWer who has a full time job, does house work around that, and joins me in WoW for a /kiss every night we’re on together :D.

    Sounds like a match made in Azeroth, anyone agree? :P <3 my future Mr. Geek.

  14. I am in a "geek+geek" relationship. Me being on this site reading this at all should be an indication. My husband is a "WoW'er" and he's trying to get me into it. I'll admit sometimes we have a little bit of difficulty (fighting over the computer, fighting over the controller, someone is hogging or spending too much time while the other wants attention…) But all and all if we give each other space and let each other unwind for a bit on the computer it works. Then it makes times where we just sit there and either discuss our geeky loves or each other.

    And the fact that we have a baby boy due in Oct. Kinda shows this works. (Plus he can hold down a steady job has it perks.)

  15. I am in a “geek+geek” relationship. Me being on this site reading this at all should be an indication. My husband is a “WoW’er” and he’s trying to get me into it. I’ll admit sometimes we have a little bit of difficulty (fighting over the computer, fighting over the controller, someone is hogging or spending too much time while the other wants attention…) But all and all if we give each other space and let each other unwind for a bit on the computer it works. Then it makes times where we just sit there and either discuss our geeky loves or each other.

    And the fact that we have a baby boy due in Oct. Kinda shows this works. (Plus he can hold down a steady job has it perks.)

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