The proper way to write a resignation letter


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From a network administrator to his boss. Enjoy

Dear Boss,

As an employee of an institution of higher education, I have few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during our commission of duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to your employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of “cut and paste” as it is explained to you for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you, even though I am sure this will be just as effective as telling you what an IP is. Your shiny new iMac has more personality than you ever will.

You wander around the building all day, shiftlessly seeking fault in others. You have a sharp dressed, useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle.

Seeing as this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation; however, I have a few parting thoughts:

When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad recommendation as I have consistently performed my duties and even more. The most you can say to hurt me is, “I prefer not to comment.” To keep you honest, I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

I have all the passwords to every account on the system and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I will publish your “Favorites,” which I conveniently saved when you made me “back up” your useless files. I do believe that terms like “Lolita” are not viewed favorably by the university administrations.

When you borrowed the digital camera to “take pictures of your mother’s b-day,” you neglected to mention that you were going to take nude pictures of yourself in the mirror. Then, like the techno-moron you are, you forgot to erase them. Suffice it to say, I have never seen such odd acts with a ketchup bottle. I assure you that those photos are being kept in safe places pending your authoring of a glowing letter of recommendation. (And, for once, would you please try to use spellcheck? I hate correcting your mistakes.)

I expect the letter of recommendation on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody and all of your twisted little repugnant obsessions will become public knowledge. Never f*** with your systems administrator, Mister! They know what you do with all that free time!

Sincerely,

Your beloved network administrator

Author: unknown





29 Responses to The proper way to write a resignation letter

  1. who ever wrote this is a f* nerd. what the $%/$. lol. ahaahahaha. dood, you're the system admin, the weird guy who wears metal t shirts and stinks, has poor communication skills, and is constantly making situations awkward.

  2. who ever wrote this is a f* nerd. what the $%/$. lol. ahaahahaha. dood, you’re the system admin, the weird guy who wears metal t shirts and stinks, has poor communication skills, and is constantly making situations awkward.

  3. Baz, you've never met a system/network admin have you? Every administrator of a computer or network system I've met is a very professional, well-groomed, and hygienic person and not one of them has ever made a situation "awkward", whatever that means to you.

    I can also tell by the wording of your post that they probably get paid exponentially more than you and, unlike you, attended an institution beyond high school.

  4. Baz, you’ve never met a system/network admin have you? Every administrator of a computer or network system I’ve met is a very professional, well-groomed, and hygienic person and not one of them has ever made a situation “awkward”, whatever that means to you.

    I can also tell by the wording of your post that they probably get paid exponentially more than you and, unlike you, attended an institution beyond high school.

  5. This would hardly be coercion. Coercion is more taking a gun to someone's head and threatening to kill them. This is more like blackmail, but blackmail is for more gain than a mere letter of recommendation. No, he couldn't be charged for something as trivial as that. If he was asking for 10 grand or the guys job, sure. Not this. As for a network admin, a majority tend to be very professional. The person Baz mentioned is probably the ass that got the letter of resignation.

  6. This would hardly be coercion. Coercion is more taking a gun to someone’s head and threatening to kill them. This is more like blackmail, but blackmail is for more gain than a mere letter of recommendation. No, he couldn’t be charged for something as trivial as that. If he was asking for 10 grand or the guys job, sure. Not this. As for a network admin, a majority tend to be very professional. The person Baz mentioned is probably the ass that got the letter of resignation.

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  9. The guy is a total ass. My god, you want to my response to any call for a reference would be– I'd just send him the letter. Oh, sweet Jeebus, that would be fun.

  10. The guy is a total ass. My god, you want to my response to any call for a reference would be– I’d just send him the letter. Oh, sweet Jeebus, that would be fun.